Angels Among Us

Pertinent Background Information, Part I

When I was getting to know Ammon, I would often ask him about his family. I'd try to figure out who he is and how he thinks by asking about his family relationships. In my own life, I had always felt that my brother was my best friend. So much of "me" was wrapped up in my brother, mother and father. I didn't think someone could really know me without knowing them. Plus, it was really hard for me to imagine what his life might have been like growing up with six siblings and I really wanted to understand. To know him by knowing them. "Which of your siblings do you feel you are you closest to?" "Who in your family would you be most likely to go to with a problem?" "Tell me about about so-and-so." He had a really difficult time answering most of my questions (he doesn't easily pigeon-hole people or decide on "favorites" of anything) but he always had the same answer whenever I'd ask about his sisters,
"Oh, my sisters are angels."

It was easy to tell he truly he felt this way but he had a hard time explaining exactly what he meant. Mostly, I was left feeling intimidated by the amazing women in his family without really having any of the concrete information I was looking for or feeling like I really knew them any better.

Pertinent Background Information, Part II

Pregnancy is really hard on me. Some women gracefully move through pregnancy with a natural glow and very few problems. I am not one of them. I mean, I have no major life-threatening problems and I've never been hospitalized like many women are. Still though, pregnancy sickness is really strong for months and I become basically useless as I spend my days simultaneously clinging to life and wishing for death. I don't cook. I don't clean. I don't even really shower. It is not a pretty time of life for me or my family.

Pertinent Background Information, Part III

Despite what we had previously "planned" and despite what I logically consider to be sane, towards the beginning of the year we started feeling like it was time to welcome another little person into our family. Even while I was still nursing Lynnden. Even though Ammon still has much schooling to conquer. Even though we don't have a lot to spare in the way of income and material goods. But as often seems to be the case, heaven sometimes whispers instructions that don't make a lot of sense at the time. 

So it was no surprise to get pregnant this summer. We had been following promptings to seek that particular blessing. 

And it was no surprise that I got so sick. That is the dark valley I'm called to walk through as a mother - as a portal from one world to another. 

And it should have come as no surprise that there was so much love and support for me, but I was a bit taken aback with the outpouring of aid that was mine.

Let me elaborate just a little bit.

Angels Among Us

Belle, Tamzon and Mama all came to my home on different occasions. They fed my family with their own food. They played with my children. They washed dishes. They picked up the clutter. (And Tamzon was pregnant too- still going about being my helper even though she probably didn't feel a whole lot better than I did! Belle actually came on a day she still had to work at my house - while also watching/entertaining/wrangling/nourishing a whole hoard of children!)

At one point my own mother caught a last minute flight for a short weekend and was able to come to my rescue. I especially was grateful for the loads and loads and loads of laundry that she washed, for the food she provided for my family, for the love she gave my children.

On several occasions, I received such thoughtful gifts and surprises. 

Amber made sure my nails looked fabulous - even though I was too sick to even pick something out online. This shot is after they'd been on a week or more so they're beginning to grow out. But I can't tell you how much it meant to have even a small part of me feel pretty during a phase of life when I rarely make it to the shower and almost never out of pajamas.

Along those lines, I received a surprise care package from my mother at one point that had brand new, fancy make-up. It was a relief and a luxury to feel inspired to put myself together - I felt like I looked GREAT for the first time in months.

And this beautiful basket from Mama sat on my counter during the duration of my awful phase. Of course, it didn't stay this full for long, but it was a constant reminder to me that I wasn't alone in this awful feeling. That others had felt this awful thing before. That others cared to do what they could for me - even if there was no way to make the bad go away entirely. And the gum in this care basket...oh, that sweet, wonderful gum. I don't know why I had never considered this before because I would often go around smelling peppermint.  But that gum saved my life I think. It would provide so much relief to the nausea for a little while.

And how could I ever begin to verbalize the integral support and understanding that comes from Ammon? I couldn't. But he suffers when I suffer and is a balm to my aching. 

Throughout that stage, I could see the truth of this scripture being manifested in my own life, "I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."

Although the misery couldn't be taken away (something I've gained an appreciation for during this pregnancy, actually), there were truly angels round about me. I was surrounded on the right and on the left with those willing to bear me up.

This isn't every tender mercy given to me in that time. I don't think I could list them all (every kind word, text message and phone call...every faithful prayer given on my behalf...all the grace given as I slacked in every responsibility and stewardship that is usually mine.). I'm not even aware of all the tender mercies, I'm sure of that.

But I'm so grateful to a loving Father in Heaven who comes to the rescue of His children in need. As Elder Holland said, "Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind."

That is what Ammon meant when describing his sisters - my sisters now (yet another marvelous blessing - the extending of family!). And our mothers. And himself (even though he'd never say so). They are so good and so pure and truly vessels of God's kindness and devotion that "angelic is the only word that comes to mind."

I know there are angels among us. Seen and unseen. I hope to join these angels that surround me and be able to also extend a heavenly love and aid to those in need. It's a marvelous thing - that we all need angels and that we can all be angels.