2 Months, A Prayer and a Hairdryer

Remember when I said that babies can break your heart? It's still true.

Ammely had her 2-month appointment, which means shots.

All started well. She was perfectly happy to be at the doctor's office - getting measured, just laying on the paper, listening to it crinkle as she wiggled around.

And then they came in and changed her world. With 5 shots. Yes, FIVE shots.  

And even though she did not like them at all in the moment, she did very well. She only cried for a few minutes. It was much later when the pain re-kicked in and she would not forgive her mommy for that kind of an experience.

She started crying as we arrived at Walmart to get her Infant's Tylenol.

The cart goes crooked.

Abandon cart in middle of aisle.

Could I find Infant's tylenol with the rest of the medicine? No.

So I lugged her to the back of the store to the baby section. Infant's tylenol there? No.

Back outside to the 100 degree weather.

To Walgreens.

Lugged baby into Walgreens.

Infant's tylenol? Probably - but I left the paper from the doctor in the car.

Back outside.

Back inside.

Infant's tylenol in the infant's medicine section? No.

Infant's tylenol in the normal people section? Yes. Hallelujia.

Check out. Cashier tries to make small talk. Really? Now, while my child is crying as though death were at her door?

Out to the car.

In the backseat, hoping the A/C speeds up, trying to read dispensing directions from the box and the doctor for the first time.

Give her the drops.

Go home.

Still crying.

Warm compresses or warm bath is supposed to help.

Draw up bath.

Put baby in bath.

No good.

Maybe she wants me to hold her.

Try to fill up normal bath while she is in her infant bath.

Start the water and it goes onto her head.

Stupid mommy moment.

Even more upset little girl.

10 minutes in bath, still no better.

Baby is crying.

Mommy is crying.

Mommy is praying.

Wrap up in towel, sit on bathroom floor, and hold her.

Turn on hairdryer. Hairdry baby.

Crying slows to wimper.

Baby falls asleep.

Mommy offers prayer of gratitude.

I have never been so sad. I have never been so exhausted. And I wasn't even the one who got the shots.

As previously stated, babies can break your heart.

A Blessing

With my family living out of state, we decided to utilize Memorial Day weekend for Ammely's blessing day. This way those working folk and school-bound folk could come down without too much personal trouble.

This meant that Ammely FINALLY got to meet her Grandpa Breakall, or "Gampy Bakeall" as we've been calling him.

It was love at first sight for the both of them.

Seriously, they were very comfortable together. Very.

The same can be said for her Uncle Jared.

It was so wonderful to have my whole family here. It just fills my heart up when we're all together. I hate that we're all so far apart. But so is life and really we're quite blessed with all of today's technologies that we can see eachother and talk to eachother as much as we do.

The bishop was kind enough to let us do the blessing in Sacrament Meeting even though it was not a fast Sunday. So Sunday morning Ammon got his little angel ready for their special moment.

The blessing itself went beautifully. I saw a quote the other day that said something like

"I never knew how much I loved your father,

until I saw how much he loved you."

That basically sums up my feelings for her blessing day. I know she was the one getting a blessing but I felt blessed. I don't think there is anything of greater worth to me in my life than knowing that I am married to a man who holds the priesthood worthily. That he can lead our family to our eternal goals and has the authority to bless our family as he righteously does so.

Another wonderful part of any blessing day is getting to spend the afternoon with so many loved ones. We had SOO many people come to share in Ammely's special moment, we are truly blessed.
Here are a few pictures of a few of the people who were there. I've already had one of those moments as a mom where you go "Darn it! I wanted pictures of such and such and forgot!"  Thus, I do not have pictures of everyone who came. In fact, I have pictures of only a few. At least I have some pictures though.

Uncle Jared, Mommy, Ammely, Daddy, Grandpa Breakall, Grandma Breakall

Grandma Breakall and Ammely

"Uncle" Rocky and Ammely

Uncle JT, Ammely, Grandpa Breakall

Grandma Baysinger, Ammely, Great-Grandma Lords

Janey - this sweet woman has done so much for our little family. Among the MANY things she has done is give us this beautiful blessing dress for our daughter.

This is probably only about half of the wonderful men who stood in the circle as Ammely was blessed. I am most frustrated with myself for not getting the picture with all of them. But alas, what's done is done.

Great-grandpa Lords, Uncle Jared, Cousin Tyler, Ammely, Daddy, Uncle Boyd, Grandpa Breakall
We're missing Grandpa Baysinger, Uncle Kent, Uncle Royal, Uncle JT and Uncle Gage.

As I said, everything went beautifully. Ammely was well-behaved. Ammon blessed her eloquently and correctly. Family and friends joined with us. So many contributed to the good food and good conversation.

I'm so grateful. Grateful to everyone who came. Grateful that the bishop allowed us to do this while my family was in town. Grateful for a wonderful husband who could do this special thing for our little girl.

Grateful that him and her were able to share the moment and bond even closer together. There is something extra sweet about Daddy-daugher relationships.

And grateful for this sweet little spirit who has enriched our family so greatly already.

The Howl of the Coyote

Carded at 7 weeks

In my pursuit to find things that will keep both me and my little one occupied at her tender age, I read somewhere that there is no age-minimum for getting your own library card.

For those who know me, you can only imagine the joy this brought to me. I love libraries. I love books. I love learning. Most of all, I hope to share this love with my child.

So off we went to the library! We looked around for awhile, picked out some books, picked out one movie and headed to the librarian's desk (These activities overwhelmed my sweetheart at some point and she fell asleep).

Me (with child in arms): I heard there is no age requirement for getting a library card, can I get her a library card?

Librarian: Uh, you coouulllldd. But why?

Me: Because I want to. (I realize this was not the most eloquent or accurate answer, but I wasn't expecting to be questioned, I was unprepared).

Librarian gives me a "you must be crazy" look.

Me: Sooo...can I get her a card?

Librarian turns to other librarian: Can she get her daughter there a library card?

Librarian #2: She could but why would she want to?

Librarian #1 turns to look at me.

Me: So I can?

Librarian #1: We ususally wait until the child is older so they can write their own name on the back of the card.

Me: But you don't have to wait?

Librarian shakes her head.

Me: Good. Then I would like to get her a library card.

Librarian: Ok.

She then proceeds to fill out the information on her computer so I can get Ammely a card. She comes across the question that says, "Would you like your minor to be able to check out movies and other media?" and looks at me as if to say, "Do you see how ridiculous it is to give your child a card at her age?"

Me: Uh, yes ((As I already had a movie ready for her to check out - Baby Einstein)).

Librarian #2: That's probably why you want the card, right? So you can check out more DVDs?

Me: Uh, no. I have things for her to check out. I'd like it to be on her own card.

The point - I guess I must be the only mother in Queen Creek getting their 7 week-old a library card. I really couldn't see why they thought this was so insane. I can't possibly be the only mother who reads books to her infant.

Regardless, Ammely now has her own library card:

This was maybe a more exciting moment for me than for her. But still, she did indeed check out her one movie and several books that we have started to enjoy together.

I then tell my brother (who is currently going to school to be a teacher) about this event and he pulls out this book:

He proceeds to read me portions of the book which say that if you try to make your children do things before they're ready for them, it can be potentially harmful to their desire to learn the activity (such as reading) at all. We need to be careful that what we do for our children is really for our children and not derived out of selfish desires (I want my child to read instead of My child is ready to learn to read).

And I think to myself, great. Seven weeks in and I'm already a terrible mother. Thank you brother. Thank you librarians.

However, as I explained to my brother, I am not trying to make Ammely read. I am reading to Ammely. I maintain that you are never too young to appreciate a good story. You are never too young to appreciate good pictures in a picture book. You are never too young to be learning the principles of language by listening to others speak it. (My brother agrees, by the way. And he in no way was indicating to me that I'm a bad mother - the circumstance just reminded him of what he is learning about currently in his classroom)

Thus, I feel no guilt for getting Ammely a library card.

I love to share the things I love with the people I love. It makes sense to me that the library should be among the first of those things.

Taking a dip

Ammely went swimming for the first time!

Our little girl LOVES the water. When absolutely nothing else makes her happy, I put her in the bath and she will be all smiles again. You can actually see her physically relax when she is placed into her tub. It's amazing.

So as you can imagine, we've been very excited to go swimming with our little angel. Thankfully, Grandma and Grandpa Lords have an awesome pool that was just serviced earlier in the week and was pronounced to be fully ready for summertime fun. Hooray!

Saturday evening we took the plunge.

She smiled when I put her swimming suit on. I mean, who could blame her, she looks crazy adorable in her suit!

We went out to the pool and slowly made our way into the water. You have to witness that in segments. Our camera kept running out of memory space.

She did great! The whole family had fun (it's so awesome that we can say things like that now).

This is as close as we got to a family picture during this event - haha.

However, we did do this in the evening and it's still fairly early in the outdoor swimming season. So Ammely didn't stay in the water too long. We didn't want to turn our daughter into a baby popcicle.

And just a couple more pictures because, well, she's too stinking cute not to add them! -- We're not new parents or anything ;)

Babies can break your heart

Pretty much from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I've been dreading the day my baby would get sick. I mean, I'm not a nurse. How will I know what is wrong? How will I know how to make her feel better?

And it has happened already. Kind of.

Ammely hasn't been sick in the *cough, cough* *runny nose* kind of way. She broke out in a rash.

At first I thought it was baby acne. This alone made me sad, my baby had perfect skin. So soft. No birth marks or any weird discoloration.

And then it got worse.
Over a few days it spread from one cheek to the other, to her chest, back of her neck, and top of her back.
It ended up looking like this:

Definitely not baby acne.

It was AWFUL and it broke my heart. No mother wants to see her baby like that. Good news is it didn't seem to bother her at all. She was maybe a little more fussy than she used to be, but overall still a pretty good baby. But it just LOOKED painful and I figure nobody's skin ought to look like that - painful or no. So I called the pediatrician and got an appointment. Poor little girl has eczema.
What causes this you ask? Most likely an allergy.

To what you ask? Well, that is the million dollar question.

It could be something touching her skin. So we have now changed all of our laundry detergents, bath soaps, and hand soaps.

It could be something she's eating (via me, her food source). Thus, I've been on a no wheat, no dairy, no nuts diet for a couple of weeks.

It could be heat. And we live in Arizona. And it's the end of May. No bueno.

Per the doctor's orders, we've been regularly applying hydrocortizone and some baby eczema lotion which has cleared her skin up considerably. Some days you can't tell anything happened at all. Other days it flares up a little bit again.

So now we're on the quest to find the source of her irritation and praying that she grows out of this particular irritation/allergy. And I have begun the fearful journey into motherhood and all of the correlating unknowns.

Ammely

As many of you already know, Ammon and I (somewhat) recently welcomed our little sweetheart into our family. At last. And I (at last) am here to document the event (I guess being a new mommy is a bit time demanding, better late than never though!).

Ammely Baysinger

April 3, 2012

8:50 a.m.

7lbs 1oz

20 inches

The beginning of the end commenced on Monday, April 2nd. I was scheduled to be induced that afternoon - mostly due to my impatience and my doctor's compassion to a very pregnant lady. However, my blood pressure had gone up the last week or two of my pregnancy - not crazy high, but higher than my usual. Thus, he did have a medical reason to allow me to induce on my due date instead of waiting another week or two. He is a wonderful man and I pray he is blessed enormously for allowing the pains of pregnancy to cease.

Anyhow, as my induction was no emergency, we received a call earlier in the day saying that my induction was being bumped back until further notice. I was to hang tight and await their phone call. So we waited.

Ammon came home from work early.

And we waited.

We got dinner.

We waited.

We went shopping.

We waited.

We called the hospital.

We waited some more.

We almost called the hospital...and at last the phone rang!

They were ready for us.

So we grabbed our things and headed out to the car. It's somewhere between 9 and 10 o'clock here. This is also my last pregnant picture. Don't I look like I'm smuggling something under my shirt...like a beach ball, perhaps?

And we were off to Banner Gateway!

We filled out the necessary paperwork, they took me to the room where I would labor and deliver, and I put on my very stylish hospital gown, as seen below.

It was then another couple of hours of waiting as we waited for various tests to come back - they took all kinds of bodily fluids and had to make sure I was as healthy as could be expected.

And I was. Whew.

Also, good news was that I was already dilated a LITTLE tiny bit and was having regular contractions that I just couldn't feel. Awesome.

So around 1 in the morning they finally put me on Pitocin and told me I could have the epidural whenever I wanted it.

Things weren't too bad so I waited.

Then things got uncomfortable.

Then things got downright painful.

And I wasn't dilating fast at all. A few hours went by and I dilated maybe 2 centimeters.

It was about 4 a.m. when they told me that at my current pace I would probably deliver sometime that afternoon. So I wasn't sure if I should hold out and do the epidural later in the process (maybe it wasn't hurting as bad as I thought, afterall, I had HOURS to go still and much much dilating to do) -- or maybe I should just go ahead and get the epidural.

And then I felt a little *pop* inside. And then a tiny trickle. I remembered reading several books that said labor pains tend to get much worse, much faster after the water breaks. So I called the nurse in and told her that...ummm...I think my water broke.

Indeed it had. Tiny trickle was a tiny trickle no more. And contractions were already getting more intense. At this point, Ammon so kindly asked the nurse if we could get the epidural quickly. I love this husband of mine. I didn't even have to ask for it - he just knew it was time. No argument from me.

Epidurals are beautiful.

And once the epidural was effective I was much happier. Much more patient. Much more restful. In fact, I think we all were...

Around 7:15 my nurse came in and said it was time to switch shifts and she would update the nurse that would be taking over. At this point I was dilated to about a four. *sigh* She predicted I'd be pushing around noon or 1 o'clock. She left the room and I tried to go back to sleep and just let my body do its thing.
The next nurse came in around 8:00 and checked me - she said I was about a nine and was ready to start pushing.

Ummm...excuse me?!?

Well, that required a change of mindset in a rather big hurry. In fact, the quick change in "plans" really scared me. Nevermind that I had nine months to prepare for this moment or that I had practically begged the doctor to induce me - the fact that I got shorted a couple hours of labor slapped me into a terrified realization that this was REALLY going to happen. There REALLY was a person inside and she was coming out. Now. Whether or not I was ready.

As I tried to deal with this sudden fear of mine, Ammon got on the phone and made sure his mom was on her way - I really wanted her to be there and she too thought she had many hours to go.

By 8:20 I was pushing, Ammon holding one leg, my mom holding the other, Ammon's mom offering head massages and other comfort as needed.

I pushed and looked at the others' faces - all excited/nervous, mostly smiling.

Me, I'm thinking that they shouldn't be smiling. This is hard work. This is scary. This is serious. Nothing to smile about.
Soon enough they're telling me that her head is out...again, they're all smiles. They're looking at the face of my daughter and seeing her breathe and cry for the first time. Me, I remember very little of this. Possibly because I was still scared. Possibly because I still had the rest of her body to evict from my own body.

A few short moments later, at 8:50 a.m., she was fully born.

They put her on my chest and just like that we were a family.

It's amazing how quick life can change. All I could see was her beautiful little face.

And when I could tear my gaze away from her precious face, all I could see was Ammon's face. Was he happy? Did he love her as much as I did? Was he okay with this new addition?

Of course.

And sure, the fear was still there. From what I'm told that never really goes away - moms are always scared they won't do a good job, that they're not ready for what their little ones are getting them into. But the fear just wasn't the only thing anymore.

I was happy. And excited. And tired. And overwhelmed. And overjoyed. And thankful. And prayerful. And so in love.

Oh so in love.

I was a mom. I am a mom.

And the two of us became the three of us.

It just doesn't get better than this.

And so we gladly welcomed Liliya, Laramie, Lydia, Lynnley, Brooklynn, Sierra, Rebecca, Ammely into our family (the naming took longer than the pregnancy/labor/delivery - but it suits her just right. Worth the wait).